I have reached my half way mark, give or take a few weeks but my halfway mark is there. One semester down and one more to go. Started with nothing, and all of a sudden I have experience, stories, knowledge and friends. It's been a whirlwind, every emotion/feeling that exists, I promise you I have experienced all of them during these six months. Excitement, happiness, sadness, disappointment, frustration, patience, impatience, scared, worried, devastated, heartbroken, miserable, anger, loneliness and lost.
Some posts I am nothing but excited to show everyone where I've been, where I've travelled and then other times I express how much I miss home. I've been told that 4-6 months mark is where all the home sickness and culture shock comes all at once but to be honest I've been experiencing culture shock for ages and will probably never get over it. Oh Japan you, you special country that I love... haha.
Over the past few weeks what I've been seeing a lot from family, friends and nothings on social media is that everyone is a talker, not so much a doer. Everyone's all talk. Either talking big, making themselves look big but no one does anything to prove it or to prove how big they make themselves out to be. Everyone is all locked up in their comfort zone and no one does anything to get out. I've been told that life only starts once you take that step out of your comfort zone and when I think about this, I point it back to myself "Hey... I did that... I stepped out of my comfort zone, I guess I am really doing". Times like those make me refocus and make me understand that yes, doing all of this is worth it, it's not going to be easy but at the end it will be all worth it.
I wanted to come to Japan to fix myself, my heart too but most especially myself. I was very flawed when I was still in Australia. I went out way too much, took my family for granted, thought silly things were the priority of life, hardly studied and thought friends were more important. Give a young adult the keys to a car and she never sees her home ever again. It dies though, it dies fast.
I haven't reached the fix self I wanted to be just yet, but hey I'm only at my halfway mark but I can see at times that hey... I've grown up. I can say for certain I'm independent. I don't depend on people anymore, when something bad happens in a different country and your family or your circle of friends aren't with you, you have no one to run to but yourself, because of this, you're forced to love yourself. You need to trust yourself as well. Another good practical example that has made me realise how much I need to rely on myself was in Hiroshima.
I actually lost my new digital camera. I didn't realise until we caught the train to another destination, about thirty minutes away from where I last remember I had it. Now, the thing is this was my first time being in Hiroshima and their trains, trams and buses are all new to me. I didn't know where I was, I didn't know the names of anywhere, it was like putting myself in Western Australia and I need to learn all their forms of transports on that day. I wasn't worried at first because it was Japan and I knew I'd get it back but the whole process of finding it and where I left it was the hurdle. I left the group and caught the ferry and train back by myself to retrace my steps. I went to the bus info straight away to tell them if a camera was left behind, mind you this is also in Japanese. My Japanese isn't to par so conversing to these info ladies was a miracle in itself. Nothing. Went to the Hiroshima station lost and found, and nothing. Last option was the restaurant I had lunch at which was a 10 minute bus ride away. I called the restaurant which I got the ladies at bus info to help me, and success it was there. Had to figure out a new way to get there because the hop on and off bus stopped running (which I caught earlier). This process was an hour and a half of my time, but at the end I got it and I did it on my own. Small things (in reality this was a big thing) like these just make me know I can do things on my own with out the help of anyone.
Not only in terms of independence but also my judgement in people. I can honestly say at the beginning, you needed to find yourself so you were nice to a lot of people. As time goes by you see everyone's true colours and that was the nasty part. If people know me, I'm genuinely too nice for my own good and sometimes a pushover. I let people trample all over me and use me and I find out too late that it's happened and thus pity party starts. It's no one's fault but my own. But, being here in Japan... I've learnt to observe at times and watch everyone else. I knew who were the ones to trust and the ones to ditch. I was way too nice to some people which I semi regret but hey you got to learn the hard way. Because of this I'm slowly coming to terms on being more hard, being more thick so that I can avoid situations like that in the future. I'm not going to stop being the person I am but I'm just starting to learn to have a better judgement towards people. Sorry I can't stop giving gifts and giving more than I should to people I love, I just love that jazz haha.
Anyway this entry was very long and I should probably stop but to wrap up everything I wanted to post some pictures I miss back at home. Trust me when it's the official wrap up to my exchange, pictures won't be of Australia, but pictures of the friends and memories I made in Japan. Argh I hate myself for always missing Australia and then do a 180 degree turn around and say how much I love Japan. No quote can describe it better but this:
"We are torn between nostalgia for the familiar and an urge for foreign and strange"
Thanks for reading my heart spew friends. Love you all. (Honestly I don't know who reads my blog because no one comments but the page views goes up higher and higher and I'm like .. who are yous?!?!?!). Anyway love yous. Here is my nostalgic moment now.
I miss good quality dessert parties, pork belly and red velvet.
I miss my family
These girls
I miss having a job, and these workmates haha.
Honestly I went through my photos and saw these photos and started to miss a lot of things haha. 6 months down, only 6 more to go! Part of me can't wait to go back home, part of me doesn't want to leave the friends here. Who am I? What do I want? Flipping hell I can't decide haha.
Love Gerlie
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