Halfway Mark

Dearest friends and family,

I have reached my half way mark, give or take a few weeks but my halfway mark is there. One semester down and one more to go. Started with nothing, and all of a sudden I have experience, stories, knowledge and friends. It's been a whirlwind, every emotion/feeling that exists, I promise you I have experienced all of them during these six months. Excitement, happiness, sadness, disappointment, frustration, patience, impatience, scared, worried, devastated, heartbroken, miserable, anger, loneliness and lost.

Some posts I am nothing but excited to show everyone where I've been, where I've travelled and then other times I express how much I miss home. I've been told that 4-6 months mark is where all the home sickness and culture shock comes all at once but to be honest I've been experiencing culture shock for ages and will probably never get over it. Oh Japan you, you special country that I love... haha.

Over the past few weeks what I've been seeing a lot from family, friends and nothings on social media is that everyone is a talker, not so much a doer. Everyone's all talk. Either talking big, making themselves look big but no one does anything to prove it or to prove how big they make themselves out to be. Everyone is all locked up in their comfort zone and no one does anything to get out. I've been told that life only starts once you take that step out of your comfort zone and when I think about this, I point it back to myself "Hey... I did that... I stepped out of my comfort zone, I guess I am really doing". Times like those make me refocus and make me understand that yes, doing all of this is worth it, it's not going to be easy but at the end it will be all worth it.

I wanted to come to Japan to fix myself, my heart too but most especially myself. I was very flawed when I was still in Australia. I went out way too much, took my family for granted, thought silly things were the priority of life, hardly studied and thought friends were more important. Give a young adult the keys to a car and she never sees her home ever again. It dies though, it dies fast.

I haven't reached the fix self I wanted to be just yet, but hey I'm only at my halfway mark but I can see at times that hey... I've grown up. I can say for certain I'm independent. I don't depend on people anymore, when something bad happens in a different country and your family or your circle of friends aren't with you, you have no one to run to but yourself, because of this, you're forced to love yourself. You need to trust yourself as well. Another good practical example that has made me realise how much I need to rely on myself was in Hiroshima.

I actually lost my new digital camera. I didn't realise until we caught the train to another destination, about thirty minutes away from where I last remember I had it. Now, the thing is this was my first time being in Hiroshima and their trains, trams and buses are all new to me. I didn't know where I was, I didn't know the names of anywhere, it was like putting myself in Western Australia and I need to learn all their forms of transports on that day. I wasn't worried at first because it was Japan and I knew I'd get it back but the whole process of finding it and where I left it was the hurdle. I left the group and caught the ferry and train back by myself to retrace my steps. I went to the bus info straight away to tell them if a camera was left behind, mind you this is also in Japanese. My Japanese isn't to par so conversing to these info ladies was a miracle in itself. Nothing. Went to the Hiroshima station lost and found, and nothing. Last option was the restaurant I had lunch at which was a 10 minute bus ride away. I called the restaurant which I got the ladies at bus info to help me, and success it was there. Had to figure out a new way to get there because the hop on and off bus stopped running (which I caught earlier). This process was an hour and a half of my time, but at the end I got it and I did it on my own. Small things (in reality this was a big thing) like these just make me know I can do things on my own with out the help of anyone.

Not only in terms of independence but also my judgement in people. I can honestly say at the beginning, you needed to find yourself so you were nice to a lot of people. As time goes by you see everyone's true colours and that was the nasty part. If people know me, I'm genuinely too nice for my own good and sometimes a pushover. I let people trample all over me and use me and I find out too late that it's happened and thus pity party starts. It's no one's fault but my own. But, being here in Japan... I've learnt to observe at times and watch everyone else. I knew who were the ones to trust and the ones to ditch. I was way too nice to some people which I semi regret but hey you got to learn the hard way. Because of this I'm slowly coming to terms on being more hard, being more thick so that I can avoid situations like that in the future. I'm not going to stop being the person I am but I'm just starting to learn to have a better judgement towards people. Sorry I can't stop giving gifts and giving more than I should to people I love, I just love that jazz haha.

Anyway this entry was very long and I should probably stop but to wrap up everything I wanted to post some pictures I miss back at home. Trust me when it's the official wrap up to my exchange, pictures won't be of Australia, but pictures of the friends and memories I made in Japan. Argh I hate myself for always missing Australia and then do a 180 degree turn around and say how much I love Japan. No quote can describe it better but this:

"We are torn between nostalgia for the familiar and an urge for foreign and strange"

Thanks for reading my heart spew friends. Love you all. (Honestly I don't know who reads my blog because no one comments but the page views goes up higher and higher and I'm like .. who are yous?!?!?!). Anyway love yous. Here is my nostalgic moment now.

I miss good quality dessert parties, pork belly and red velvet.

I miss my family

These girls

I miss having a job, and these workmates haha.

Honestly I went through my photos and saw these photos and started to miss a lot of things haha. 6 months down, only 6 more to go! Part of me can't wait to go back home, part of me doesn't want to leave the friends here. Who am I? What do I want? Flipping hell I can't decide haha.

Love Gerlie

Wanderlust to Wanderlost

To be exact, it has been 104 days since I've left home. In all honesty, it feels like I've been here for so much longer. I think time is going by really slow because I'm doing too much things in so little time, I need to slow down. I haven't put my head in it properly that after 104 days I've finally bought furniture for my room... making it more permanent. I got myself a rug, a full length mirror, a bookshelf and a little table to eat dinner or make it feel more appropriate for guests to come visit. I know, it's ridiculous how long I put that off but I think I've just been completely busy that being at home for the whole day is completely rare.

I have two weeks until I finish my first semester of uni for Japan and I get my much rewarded summer vacation (travelling with family - I can not wait!). But with that being said I still have about 8 months still in Japan and if I think about it, if I thought 3.5 months was a really long time, 8 months is going to be a killer! Don't get me wrong, being in Japan has been such a life changer. I've met so many amazing and kind Japanese people. I'm growing up and I'm becoming a stronger person in a lot of aspects but the loneliness will get to you. It's the little bug that some days you just miss your family and friends.

If anyone has seen Lost in Translation, it will describe what I'm feeling at this right moment. When Scarlett is getting around Tokyo and she's on the train and she just stares at the man reading an erotic manga out in the open because it is so acceptable - that is me everyday when the most ridiculous things are acceptable but the most simple issues aren't. Or even when Bill Murray is trying to have a photo-shoot and he has a translator giving translations on what the photographer wants and he feels hopeless and irritated because he believes the translator is doing a sloppy job (which she is btw) and he just wants to know what he is saying but can't - he is literally lost in translation (me).

To continue on with the culture, the do's and the don'ts it seriously kills me and I honeslty believe one bad day I will snap and tell off a Japanese person and ask them WHY haha (but I won't). One thing that will always bug me, and I will never get over are the train etiquette in Japan. Like buses back at home with priority seating for elderly, pregnant or disabled, they also have them in Japan's train. So pretty much about say two to three carts there is one little section for priority seating. The thing is when all the seats are taken and an elderly walks in the train, no one, and I mean NO ONE gets up for them, because for one they just don't and two because it isn't a priority seat they don't need to get up. And trust me the elderly at times have a cane! It pisses me off so much! SO MUCH. It is something that was never taught in Australia but simply common sense. One time, an elderly man sat next to me and his wife had no seat so she opted to stand in front of her husband. I got up immediately for her to sit down next to her husband and her reaction went on for too long that I was embarrassed I actually got up LOL. She was seriously very thankful and her reaction was if I did the most ridiculous thing and no one has ever done that for her. Really Japan? Come on...

I've been told/taught that situations like these where no one does anything or no one says anything is because Japan's culture is to just avoid awkward situations and to avoid confrontation. But when reading erotica manga is acceptable and common but getting up for an elderly or disabled person isn't, you know something is a bit off.

Pushing my little effects of culture shock, man home sickness. I am incredibly busy so at times I have no time to think but the golden times when I'm free, I'm missing my family and friends so much. Simple things with food, I am no domestic goddess and running out of ideas on what to cook gets old real fast. I haven't had a decent filipino meal in 3.5 months so I am malnourished of oil and fat. Also my heart is malnourished because a meal cooked by mum is the most hearty meal ever. That being said I miss my mum so much, more so when I find out how incredibly useless I am. I called her this week to ask her when to add bleach to my whites or if it's okay if I don't put powder and skip to liquid and also tips on how to get rid of stains cause they ain't going anywhere after two washes! I just want to come home and have a pot of sinigang...

Day by day goes by and I'm continuously learning a million things. To language, new words/grammar in Japanese, to Japanese culture or just about myself. Everyday my brain is on overdrive and I'm constantly educating myself. It feels good, no it feels amazing. Especially when one day I feel like going somewhere new or trying new things, it seriously a simple hand reach and I have it. Meeting interesting people every week, learning new things, travelling ... I guess the cons overtake the pros and I am so lucky to be here and in all honesty I am grateful.

But damn... I miss home! And I miss Australian culture! Hahaha. So that was just all my thoughts spewed in one massive rant. I think I should avoid just doing brief summary on my trips and actually blog more about weird experiences instead of keeping them to myself, probably healthier haha.

Love G.